Hat tip to Kools for this one. We all knew this day would come (well, either this or an angry boyfriend would shoot him), but Tucker Max has finally thrown in the towel. After a decade of well-chronicled debauchery, he’s giving it all up because he…wants to get married and have kids?

Fuh…what???

It’s true. And to that end, he’s in therapy. Lots and lots of therapy. To work out…well…mommy issues. I have to admit that I’m a little disappointed. Not that he’s doing what he has to do to get healthy – I applaud that. I’m just disappointed that there won’t be any more of his outrageous tales after Hilarity Ensues.

He has a girlfriend now. Yeah, as in, one. According to both of them, he only goes out a couple times a month now. He spends hours in therapy every week discussing his former narcissism. And worst of all – he hopes to get married and have kids someday.

I think he needs to be careful what he wishes for. I can say from personal experience that there’s no way to go from living like a wild man to being a husband and father without a lot of deceleration trauma. And once you’ve got kids, there’s no going back. Trust me. Every Friday night when I take my dogs for their last walk before bed and I see everyone in Paris dressed to the nines and going out to have sex with strangers while I go home to bed because I have to get up early and take my kids to basketball in the morning…well…some of those lower tree limbs start looking pretty inviting. Just sayin’.

One point Tucker brings up in the interview that I found especially interesting was that he exceeded every aspiration he ever had as a writer – he sold millions of books, made a movie, made millions of dollars, basically has “it all” – and he still wasn’t happy. I think it’s a fair point for all of us to pay attention to. If you’re doing what you’re doing just to rack up the high score, don’t be surprised when you’re older and you’re miserable. In other words, do what you do because you enjoy it.

I’m sorry to see Tucker go. Among other things, he was an Internet pioneer. He was one of the first true bloggers. His website was a smash hit before he ever wrote a book – and he gave away all that stuff for free. For better or worse, he spawned a new literary genre (fratire – though he personally hates the term) and he’s been imitated ever since. 35 seems like a young age to be walking away from it all, but then you have to wonder how much longer he could run at that pace anyway.

I’m looking forward to his new book. He’s always made me laugh. I know plenty of people hate him, and many think his stories are total bullshit, but who cares? The guy got rich and smashed a ridiculous number of randoms, all while drinking to excess. To that I say:

Well played, sir.

What do you guys think? Love him or hate him? Is this a good time for him to retire, or is he just pussing out? Should he get married and have kids? Would you want Tucker Max for a father?

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